We all begin relationships with rose-tinted glasses. We believe we will never be the one who ends up with a cheating partner.
But as relationships progress, sometimes the rot of familiarity and contempt can creep in. This can reach crisis point as we become embroiled in a love triangle with a web of lies and deceit that make soap operas look tame.
So before that day becomes a possibility, awareness of the likely causes might give pause for thought.
#1 Firstly, They believe cheating is OK?
We all have our own set of beliefs we live by. Our individual beliefs of what we consider right or wrong. And plenty of people and cultures have no issue around cheating or infidelity.
I may have a desire to keep it discrete and still respect and love my partner, but living a life of monogamy may not be a restriction I wish to adhere to. Perhaps a hooker on a foreign business trip versus my wife’s best friend.
If I believe fidelity is important then I am being loyal and true to my own beliefs and by default to my partner. But with the shifting sands of time, idealism can become pragmatism. Our core beliefs can change leading the best of us to do something we once claimed inexcusable. .
If your partner has the view that cheating is something I should not do rather than fidelity is something I want to do, and this is an issue for you, beware.
Some people don’t see LOVE and FIDELITY as mutually exclusive. What goes on tour stays on tour!
#2 Secondly, They are not the only one cheating!
There is never just one person having an affair in the relationship. The affair may not be with another person but could be in other areas of your life.
This often occurs in relationships when women first have young children and devote themselves to the role of motherhood. But career, hobbies, extended families, friends, pets and any area can be the focus. You are no longer as free or interested in listening to your partner and meeting their needs. The trust and intimacy is available somewhere else.
All relationships can sustain short periods but after prolonged periods this can become an issue. We all want to be loved and adored. If one partner is seeking that outside the relationship then a void is created. If the void is not filled then you may find you partner prone to depression, moods or infidelity.
Everybody needs to feel loved and adored and this can create a void opening the door for somebody else to come and fill it!
#3 Finally, They become infatuated and start cheating.
This may be the hardest to deal with. Your partner becomes infatuated with somebody else and think they are in love. Infatuations are fantasies we hold about other people. It is very difficult for anyone to compete with a fantasy. Strong infatuations can lead to feelings like you cannot live without the other person. You may be willing to sacrifice many important areas of your life to fuel the desire. If this is the case, a closer inspection of a person’s life will reveal chaos and disorder as risks are taken and sacrifices are made.
Getting older does not mean we are immune to this. I have seen many people of all ages fall foul of this. It’s not just the teenagers!
Infatuations are not love and can happen at any age.
The reality is people cheat in relationships and it can happen to anybody. Staying in tune with your partner and discussing one another’s needs being met is a simple conversation that so rarely happens! You may think it would be a deal breaker if it happened to you. Could you forgive or trust them again? Many relationships survive the storm and it can sometimes even serve the relationship, but that is a post for another time.
If you are finding it hard to deal with cheating (being a cheat or being cheated on) in your life, let me help you resolve those feelings so you can move on with your life.
I would be delighted to have a quick chat and see if I may be of service.